Fuck You, I'm Gonna Watch Johnny Quest

Every night, I sit down to do homework, and I wind up turning on the tube. After about 20 minutes of flipping channels, I wind up just sickened to the point where I wind up on a channel like Boomerang. Cartoons. Shit I haven't watched since I was 10, and hoped I'd never have to deal with again.

I wanted to watch CNN, but between Wolf Blitzer having the mass appeal of a turnip, Larry King remaining blissfully out of touch with my generation, Dr Sanjay Gupta having a "Sears & Roebuck" doctorate and the medical knowledge of a retarded chimpanzee, and James Carville just scaring the everliving shit out of me with his face, I don't dare risk it. The nightmares would never end.

Of course, Fox news is no better. 3 words: Hannity and Colmes. If you don't find those massochistic enough, I present Geraldo Rivera and Bill O'Reilly. "No-Spin Zone", my ass. More like the "Off-Kilter Zone."

I'd watch MSNBC, but lets face it, they're a buncha pussies. Hell, NBC itself isn't much better. Between Chris Hansen and his constant pedophile hunt (which makes me wonder, being that there's always been pedos, but all of a sudden they're the big thing?) and Matt Lauer, who's only claim to fame is being attractive, I nearly want to just shoot my TV. Ok, they do have Tom Brokaw, but he's just a special correspondent, now. Sadly, he doesn't carry the network like he used to.

Now, CBS. Home of some of the best anchors ever. Cronkite, Murrow, Rather. Where's the hard-hitting journalism? Where's the edge of the seat Edward R. Murrow-esque reporting? Long gone, sadly. Though they save a little face, and that face is Bob Woodruff. I admit it, I'm biased, myself, in favor of CBS. But even they're known to be a bit leftist.

So what is a guy like me to do? I'm neither liberal nor conservative, not fully left nor right. Neither fully Democrat nor fully Republican. Where can I get unbiased media coverage on the TV?

Ah, fuck you, I'm gonna watch Johnny Quest.